By Michelle Scheu
Every 13 minutes someone in America succeeds at taking their own life. Every 13 minutes.
Official statistics show that in 2010 38,364 suicides were reported. The true figures are probably higher.
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death for Americans. For people between the ages of 15 to 24, it is the 3rd leading cause of death. Yes, the 3rd.
We don’t like to talk about death in America. Many of us try to pretend that it is not a normal part of the life cycle. If talking about a natural death is so difficult for us, you can see why no one talks about suicide…even if you are the one in so much pain that you are thinking of taking your own life or someone you love actually does. Even then, conversations are awkward, stilted and hushed. There is judgement and shame. Oh sure, we can talk easily about the latest celebrity who committed suicide, analysing what we know about their life (which is truthfully very little), but we seem unable to do the same for those we see every day and love the most. Ironic, isn’t it when talking about suicide with those who are in emotional pain is the best way to help them. Instead we react with fear, anxiety, disbelief and anger. We don’t want to put ideas in the person’s head. We don’t want to be responsible somehow. We minimize suicidal statements and are blind to the warning signs because, really, who wants to think suicide is an option? Or we get angry.
Recently I learned that an old friend died of an overdose. When he didn’t show for work, they sent someone to check on him. Of course no one knows for sure whether it was intentional or an accident. He had recently lost a significant relationship in his life. My guess is that he felt a sense of failure, alone and hopeless. Why did he not reach out to someone? Awkwardness, fear of judgement, shame. People in our society, especially men, often have trouble asking for help.
How can we best help those who feel there is no option but to take their own life? Know the risk factors and warning signs, get past the awkwardness and reach out.
Risk Factors:
- Over 90% of people who die by suicide have clinical depression or another diagnosable mental health condition.
- One or more prior suicide attempts. Between 20-50% of people who successfully committ suicide have tried before.
- Family history of mental health condition or substance abuse
- Family history of suicide
- Family violence
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Keeping firearms in the home
- Chronic physical illness and chronic pain
- Incarceration
- Exposure to the suicidal behavior of others
Warning signs:
- Always talking or thinking about death
- Deep sadness, trouble sleeping and eating that gets worse, not better over time
- Taking risks that could lead to death such as driving recklesslyand taking increasing amounts of drugs
- Losing interest in things one used to care about
- Making comments about being hopeless, helpless, or worthless
- Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, changing a will
- Saying things like “it would be better if I wasn’t here” or “I want out”
- Sudden, unexpected switch from being very sad to appearing very calm or happy
- Talking about suicide or killing one’s self
- Visiting or calling people to say goodbye
Most people who are suicidal give definite warnings of their suicidal thoughts. Often those closest to them don’t understand the meaning of the signs or don’t know how to respond to them. The potential for suicidal behavior can be reduced by family and community support, limiting access to method/means and by helping the person develop problem solving and conflict resolution skills. Take notice when you see and hear the warning signs in someone you know. Talk to them openly and honestly about their thoughts and feelings. Small things that you say or do can make a big difference!
Help is available if you or someone you know is suicidal.
Information on the web:
Tips on warning signs, how to talk about suicide and what not to say! http://www.suicideispreventable.org/
Help is available locally at http://www.sedgwickcounty.org/comcare/suicide_prevention.asp
Focusing on youth and young adults:
http://www.braverytips.org/
If you need someone to talk to, the Suicide Prevention Lifeline is staffed 24 hours a day/7 days a week at 1-800-273-TALK. Or find a knowledgeable therapist. One that you feel comfortable talking to and who is not wary of addressing your darkest thoughts.
Every 13 minutes someone in America succeeds at taking their own life. Preventing suicide is everyone’s business.
An Untangled Life 